Yesterday evening, we witnessed several tremors in the office. Which was exciting no less, because Singapore at this side of the equator is usually immune to natural disasters and this is the first tiny tremor I have ever experienced in my life. (Refer Beansprouts, who saw me happily dancing like a naive child on our first day of snow). But it lasted for a few seconds for me to note that the laptop screen had shivered a little then it was gone.
I miss talking to you, Beansprouts. I feel as though I am missing a little homely Equalia. I really try to do my best at work, and sometimes, just sometimes, I remember us debating about a random legal issue, or recalling our favourite law cases and facts, and it makes me miss the ‘common’ moment which happens between us when we find something that we both like and appreciate. Sometimes it is rare, you know. I always have a little scared feeling within me that I may unconsciously hurt or offend someone.
I miss my little room in my own corner of London, being well and utterly alone, having things that never move when I leave them there, sleeping without a voice calling over my head. I think of that silence, and those moments often, and it is strange that I even find greater solace in my work cubicle then being at home. It is as if there is a little frustration seed building within me that settles only in the middle of a Chopin piece, but it continues to breed there.
I have not been studying when I ought to. But there is so much at work that I always long to give my attention to. But just yesterday, for a moment, I received a package of law books that had been couriered by NT, who had done the course before. To my pleasure, it was immaculately wrapped in a little red wrapper with gold like stars, and the folds of the wrapping were tidy and perfect.
Though its ridiculous, for a moment it felt like Christmas. I suppose it is always a starry feeling to receive a wrapped package, even if you already know what it is.
And I love it when people put care to the daily things in their life. I have a secret, secret delight when people are obscenely particular with details or cleanliness, in their neat tables and particularity with activities or events. Maybe it is because I am a total opposite, longing to be more like them.
But I am improving, really Beansprouts, I really am. My work desk (both at home and at work) is immaculate (or at least it *seems* to be). I am starting a spreadsheet of expenses and events (or trying). My kitten now has a tidy order routine of collars to wear when she is bathed.
But you know how secretly I like to sprightly hide under messy covers and have law books and papers all over my bed! To fall asleep while studying amongst papers and post-its!