Du var inte där för mig – Lisa Ekhdahl

YOU WERE NOT THERE FOR ME

I fell but you did not catch me
You turned away and went home
When I was brutally crushed you did not turn around
even though it was you who asked me to jump
even though you whispered: “Come”.
When I had fallen I doubt you ever saw
how I lay ruined on the ground
Perhaps I was wrong, but I think I heard you laugh
and I thought: “If I die, it will be that laughter, which kills me”

I remember how I looked down from dizzying heights.
There I saw you, laughing and content
I thought you had come to catch me
But midway in the air I saw that I was wrong.
You were not there for me.

I allowed myself to fall
because I thought I were protected by you
aye, invulnerable
Back then I did not know that a “Yes” can turn into a “No”
But midway in the air I saw that you had changed
For without hesitation, you turned and went away
You went away and your eyes never met my eyes.
Perhaps I was wrong, but I think I heard you laugh
and I thought: “If I die, it will be that laughter, which kills me”

Now or never;

Some pictures from last week… I finished Amy Tan’s Saving Fish from Drowning, and it was utterly brilliant, I loved it even more than the last Kate Atkinson book I read, which is quite radical given popular prejudices against Amy Tan (directed at you, Beansprouts) and it might just be my favourite book in the list so far. I really enjoyed it and did an unconscious comparison with Conan Doyle for much of the journey, but more about that next time. It makes me rather intrigued to meet Amy Tan in real life (where is she currently residing?) and the book is definitely on my Top 5 list this year.

My idea of bliss. A good book, tenzaru udon, and soft shell crab on the side. I am seriously not sure who is the star.

I’m a new sworn fan of Bonitochico, go local designers! Their designs might be simple, but they are tremendously versatile and can be matched for night or day.

Please keep me off the t.v. I never used to watch t.v. But now even a sappy Hong Kong courtroom drama (Hong Kong law no less!) is enough to keep me glued to the screen, though everything is too saccharine sweet.

Now or never, baby make up your mind.

Now baby or never ’cause I been so good to you
Now baby or never ’cause I’ve been so lonesome, too
Now baby or never if I mean anything to you
Now baby or never ’cause I’ve wasted so much time
Now baby or never and you must make up your mind
Now baby or never it ain’t no fault of mine

It’s got to be yes or no
It’s either you stay or go
You can’t leave me on the shelf
You gotta commit yourself
It’s either you will, or you won’t fall In love with me

– Lisa Ekhdahl